It appeared to be a wisp of smoke, a wispy plume of smoke, but I knew that it was, I knew, that it was something else, something,,, more. It moved like smoke, formed itself as smoke would do; but the light that flickered around it in small quiet flutters, pale greens, pale pinks, pale yellows, white, was announcing something. I chose to watch it longer. Let it be and do. And perhaps, perhaps it watched me too.
The room and the hallway were dark except for the light fluttering in colors with the smoke. That light gave outline to the ancient chair that the smoke was floating above in a single plume that hovered above the seat just in front of the chair’s top carving. Gave faint occasionally clear outline to the curved table edge near the chair. To two more chairs, equally as carved. To bookcase walls. Gave surface to the doorway with the open door behind me and to the wall across the hall.
The plume did not grow larger, as smoke would do if it were coming from a new fire. Didn’t diminish either. It hovered. A little higher, then lower again, then slightly to a side. Up again. And to the other side. Apparently without pattern or plan.
Why was I seeing it? Why was I here? Had I walked the dark hallway to open the door to this room? In an unfamiliar house? In the dark? To open the door to see,,, so that I could see,,, or would see? So that I would see,,, this plume of wavering formless silvery substance and its faintly-colored light, floating there, here, above this chair in this room, exactly now?
I was not suspicious of this vision and felt no fear. It seemed to have brought me here. I moved my right foot toward it, the open door behind me and to my left. Reminded by my own thoughts that my earliest, first, impression had been of some sort of announcement, an intention to announce.
Quick thoughts, the analysis reflex. Clearly not smoke, no fire. Not steam either, nothing more rising from it,,, or up to it. All of my, the extent of my empirical guesses. It, this plume, was just it,,, it is that that it is. Science unknown to me…? Dry ice make such a,,, been on stage with such,,, yeah, even the colors. Wouldn’t stay in one form like this does. Not in one place either. A hologram? Hologram…. Usually rays of light toward a hologram, I think. Never seen one live, only in movies. Sometimes, this entire, our entire, everything in the physical world around us is said to be a hologram. Projected by our thoughts. Our collective thoughts, projected,,, by us. Projected into forms agreed, collectively agreed upon, forms, and characteristics agreed upon for each and every form. Yeah,,, so maybe, mmmm. This form, projected here, manifested, or manifesting, here, now, projected from, where projected from, where, or from who, whom, from whom?
From…? And here, just now, seems, seemingly, just for me? Really? Yeah, yes, yeah seems so, seems like it’s just for me. Same projecting source projecting the thought, the motivation to me to come up from my bed and walk the dark hallway in the dark and open the door to here? To, into, here,,, this old reading room, study, whatever they likely called it? Same projecting source? Who? Whom,,,? Where? Where was that from? Where was,,, is,,, that source?
No experience here, known here. Not known here. From,,, another dimension? Is that?,,, came, is it from, another dimension? Hard to come into this dimension, yeah, heard that, read that,,, from other dimensions. Hard to come into this dense dimension, third density, fourth density, third dimension, fourth,,, from higher,,, like fifth,,, eighth. Those aren’t dense, aren’t dense frequencies, aren’t,,, waves packed close together to make forms…? Yeah,,, so,,, maybe something like smoke or vapor is easiest way to come into this dimension, these third-fourth dimensions density, heavy. Thick. Frequencies. Dense frequencies. Vapor eases in among all of that. Smoke. Wisps. I’ve read about that. Science fiction,,, fiction that so often is exactly the truth. Dimensions are just frequencies,,, seventh dimension, ninth dimension, just means faster frequencies, farther apart, more space between the oscillations. Maybe.
All my weight on the right foot now, forward foot. Closer to the chair, and closer to the plume. Mov,,,ing left foot closer to the right foot, keep turned ready to the doorway. Weight onto the left foot, right a little closer to the chair, the plume, nearer. Seems,,, to like it. Plume seems to like it,,, floated up a little? A little brighter maybe? Why does it like that? Why am I here? A,,, house like this,,, a mystery-movie house, haunted-house movie house. An Edgar Allan Poe house. Shirley Jackson house. Thought it’d be fun, find a bed-and-breakfast in such a house. Has been, has been fun. Amazing woodwork in the house. Solid woods, hand-tooled carpentry. The house, and the furniture. And wrought iron,,, candelabras, hinges, locks, handles. Wavy glass in the windows. Some stained glass too. No idea the origins of the rugs. Heavy, thick. Draperies on the windows too. Heavy. Dark. Dark green. Dark red, maroon. Saw some heavy gold too, maybe some real gold in the weave. Has been done.
Yeah okay, that why. That Why. But why here, and here, now,,, brought to this room somehow, in the dark? in the night, to see this vision, or this visitor,,, and its,,, no,,, no don’t,,, and its vicissitudes. Hah. Mmmhmm. Really,,,. Vision? Visitor? What?
Can’t think this, can’t think the answer. No experience here of such. Must have to feel,,, the answer. Feel Open the heart. Feel the answer. The heart knows,,,. The heart’s enormous field. Hearts always-interacting 3-meter, 5-meter field, of electro-magnetic,,, “Thoughts are electric, feelings are magnetic.” Joe Dispenza. And vice-versa I suppose. Electrical thoughts to or from and magnetic feelings to or from. And the heart,,, has its own brain, forty-thousand neurons, its own version of brain actions,,, thoughts, electro-magnetic signal processor, information processor, transmitting,,, receiving,,, processing,,, in the heart. Open to that. Now. Feel that field. Around me and all through this event, this room. What feeling? What? Feel.
What’s the plume then, yeah, so what’s this vision visitor putting into my field? What’s my heart’s field feeling from that? Knowing from that? Feel,,, open,,, feel,,,. Breathe. Slow breathing, slow the breath. Don’t, no, no thoughts, no not thoughts,,, feel,,, breathe feel, breathe through the heart,,, in through,,, heart,,, out, heart, breeeeeeethe,,, feeeeeeeel.
More,,, light? See,,, bigger light, more,,, intense,,, brighter,,, denser,,, more dense,,, yes,,, denser light,,, more comfortable in third/fourth dimension,,, more of it coming in,,, light. Colors denser too. More intense,,, colors. Coming more into form in this frequency. As I feel more, choose to, intend to, feel more, heart feel,,,. So,,, more dense, intense. Feel,,, what’s the heart saying? Feels bigger,,, bigger in me, more intense focus in me, focused, and bigger, larger,,,. Expanded. Expand,,, ing. Intense, more intense, need to expand, need to me expand, something of me,,, expand to hold it, the new intensity. Aaaand now,,, no longer,,, now, no longer dense, or denser, no not dense at all, the intensity in a different place from density,,, it’s faster, it’s faster, see like frequency waves, in and around and through, fast close waves, in and around and through more of them, and also slower, slow waves, the base, the ground, the forever,,, slow,,, forever,,, the background,,, and the foundation, the base, the beginning and the always,,, can feel it, as hearing it, feel hear hear feel, slow deep with fast faster higher, feeling like,,, hearing,,, but it’s not hearing, not in the ears or through the ears, hearing in the chest, heart, heart, heart feeling hearing heart hearing, hearing in me whole expanding,,, me,,, me,,, bigger that,,, bigger,,, the me that’s bigger that’s so big, that’s,,, frequencies, the field of feeling and frequencies,,, enormous, no end, goes wherever I, my me, my I, thinks imagines knows intends will,,, BREATHE IN,,, hahhh, expanded and filled,,, chest, head, abdomen, legs feet hands head abdomen legs feet hands arms shoulders chest;,,, colors, colors, silver pink, silver green, silver yellow, silver white, coming into,,, my breath. Up and around me now, feel it, feel them, around me, through me, like it, it’s familiar, it’s through me, all me, heart likes it, it’s familiar, familiar, has never really been unfamiliar, never been unknown to me, in me only,,, been,,, disabled, clotted, stuffed away, in too heavy, too dense thoughts and patterns and programs from outside of me. That I accepted, bought into. Too heavy dense feelings,,, focused in their own,,,heavy,,, heavy density.
The breath expanded, expands the focus, lets the focus expand, all expand, lets all expand, be bigger. Who…? Who was it,,, said,,,? Whitm,,,? Yes,,, it’s,,, Walt Whitman,,, Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road,,, “I inhale great draughts of space…. I am larger, better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.”
But I did. I did know. I see it, feel it,,, heartfeel it. Heart shows it. And everyone knows it, inside,,, really, yeah,,, we all really do know. Walt saw when he expanded, was expanded, by the open road. When he chose to leave the familiar,,,. Expanded by the big perspective that his sojourn gave him. Yes…. Yes,,, everyone knows really,,, in the deep inner knowing of us that knows that we know. Sometimes takes desperate emotions to finally push the trappings and distractions and even,,, most goals aside,,, so that the knowing is the most prominent awareness. Yeah, that Song of the Open Road,,,. Leave the old perspectives and walk with a new perspective — the belief in your own knowing. “Henceforth I ask not good fortune, I myself am good fortune.” Thank you, Walt Whitman.
So. Now. What now?Move,,,? Do I move? Will the plume move with me? What happens if…? What,,, should, or what do,,, I do? What do I want to do? I want,,, to be that knowing, that “good fortune” knowing. To have,,, it,,, know,,, that this experience is now me, is always with me, is,,, always available to me. Of course, in memory,,, but alive,,, living. I want it to live, me to live in it, me to live IT. BE IT! Just BE IT! Not live with it or to know it’s there but to live expanding, live the expanding life, the expansive life, every moment, have this plume around me all the time, every moment,,, or that it’s in me, that it IS me, that I AM IT. No separation, no distance, it and me are the same thing. That’s what I want. Yeah, that’s, what I want.
How, do,,, how do I do… that? Do that? Do,,, what?,,. Do,,, no,,, no,,, heart,,, feel,,, feel it, BE it,,, feel it because I AM it. AM! Be,,, the doing will come as automatic. Be it, and it will be, is, already is, everything I do will do…. Be,,, Wha,,, I created it,,,?? Feelhearing that now? I created it? I,,, I’m breathe,,, breathe it,,, created it,,, so of course am it,,, what,,, in,,, breathe, I’m breathing it in,,, it’s breathing me in, breathing in, breathing in frequencies,,,. Is that possible? Really happening? Really happening. I,,, in me,,, I created it, and this whole,,, came into here from some other,,, outer dimension or frequency,,, into this here,,, into this scene,,, yeah,,, like a scene of some play,,, my play,,, I directed,,, I somehow wrote this in me somewhere,,, then directed it,,, to be this,,, in the dark,,, in this house,,, chose,,,. Wait.
Stop. Focus. What’s happening. No thought, no thinking, breathe, feel, heart,,, this is, yes, I know, this is how it feels, how electro-magnetic feels. I’m electro-magnetic feelings, information, yes, yes, that’s what this is. The field of feelings,,, the field of feelings,,, is the most powerful tool available to human beings. Yeah,,,. And,,, I’m more that than anything else. Everyone is. Yes. Everyone is. %(began copying again,,,)%
See,,, more light,,, and colors now. Feel them. Yes, I do,,, I do,,,. I feel them. I’m feeling them, the colors. Everything. Everywhere,,, in this room, in,,, this room was mostly dark, few minutes ago,,,. Plume has melted, melded, me,,, me into the plume, plume into me,,, fused together,,, feel it, I feel it, tingle,,, like,,,no,,, more,,, more like adrenaline,,, all through,,, adrenaline,,, intense like adrenaline,,, but even,,, more,,, feeling like,,, like,,, orgasm,,, orgasm,,, but,,, yeah,,, right before orgasm,,, that concentrated,,, alive,,, intense,,, yes,,, that, right-before-orgasm focused intense awareness alive in every,,, must be in every nerve,,, and,,, in those nerve centers,,, those chakras,,, in every all parts of the spine and the focused,,, life centers. And,,, they’re expanding. Almost getting,,, more than human. But it is,,, human,,, what humans always,,, have always been capable of. And I….
Can I,,, can this body,,, live with that,,, with this,,, live,,, intensity? This energy level. That process of energy level, level of processing energy,,, live at that,,, level? Mmmm…. Yes, even,,, even as I wonder that and the wondering is asking the body and the body is responding, it’s responding, a feeling like,,, like a cany,,, yes,,, like looking along a canyon. Deep. Stretching ahead and upward. Canyon walls,,, and,,, a mountain too. A canyon,,, stretching up,,, and a mountain, at the same time,,,. Moving up toward the mountain,,, and,,, nooowww,,, flying?? Feeling flying?,,, Yes!,And feeling that lift, and, that weightless lift, and flying. And flying! High,,, as high as I feel the feeling going, or,,, yes,,, as I want it to go. Along the canyon,,, along and through upward along the canyon,,, and up and up, above,,, above the canyon,,, and above,,, the mountain. And,,,. Above,,, all mountains. All mountains! All landscapes,,, All,,,. The planet’s curve,,,. Above all the planet. Above all, into the,,, yes,,, Above all planets!…. Expand! Expand expand expand Expand Expand,,, It IS!! It all just,,, IS!
It’s all,,, all and all,,, whoa,,, smile. A wide, easy, smile. Smiling! And laughing. HAH! Laughing. Comes laughing! Laugh, laugh, laughing,,, this body is so full, has been filled by its own,,, recognition of its own expanding,,, expansion,,, expansion into a feeling, and awareness of a feeling, the feeling like,,, yes,,, like home,,, like returning home, home, or to a home,,, that,,, had never really been left. Finding the home inside, instead of outside. It’s been inside, only been hidden, like what,,, like those feelings earlier,,, that knowing that has always been in there. The home that has always been in there. But hidden,,, even unreachable,,, at least not by any of the means that were, that have been, apparently available for reaching it, or even for knowing that it was there, that it even existed.
Laughter!!! Laughing! Laugh in that feeling. The relief. The relief,,, coming home into,,, the joy of returning home and feeling the home filling every space, every inner sense, every inner moment quiet, smiling glad relief ease easy breath and smile. Another breath, fuller, deeper knowing, another smile and calm laugh. Now. The Knowing. In the Inner Smile. That this experience is within, that it has had its play within the,,, illusory darkness of the old inner storehouse of hanging and shelved experiences.
And seeing the props…. The hallway. The door. The chairs,,, the props,,, the table, the bookshelves. Even the dark. And there among all of it,,, the plume,,, of,,, my own knowing.
What now? Or,,, I asked that. What now? I remember. I asked that,,, when I was there,,, melding in the plume. In the plume room. In the plume room house. And now here in this kitchen. I am aware. I am aware. That NOW is the What now. And the What is that I am here in this kitchen now, in this pressed white cotton long-sleeved collar shirt, in this scene, in this next scene, and I’m bending to sit, a chair seat under me, a coffee cup with coffee in it in my right hand, I just filled it from the press on the counter, a plate there by where the sitting is happening, white plate with some colored florals around the edges, scrambled eggs, toast. Glass of orange juice above the left side of the plate. The grass and bushes, there through the windows that are all beside each other, all windows, these walls. And sunlight in the green and the edge of forest trees there farther across more grass and I smile big as I see it all because I know that is exactly the What because it is the NOW and that I am always in the what of the now no matter, regardless, wherever,,, and that it’s perfect. And whoever is with me is perfect and whatever is happening is perfect.
But,,, I know too,,, that it can’t all continue like this. But,,,
But,,, I know it can all continue like this. It can.
I know it can. I know,,, it does.
It’s my choice. It does if I choose.
My choice now.
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